So, this doesn't happen too much, but I have been thinking about a comment I made in my message on Sunday. I was discussing parenting and made the comment that Christians have started to characterize their families and the rearing of their children with the idea of "safe Christian kids." My point was that we have become scared. We are afraid of everything and anything that might be "worldly" and damage our children. The more I thought about this the more I believe we as Christians need to step up to the plate and say, "Yes, I am guilty of this too."
Think about it for a minute. For example, many Christians don't send their kids to public school. Why? We can say whatever we want, but I would argue that primarily it is fear. It may be fear of academics - God forbid that our children don't get the best academic education they could possibly get. After all, this is the whole point of parenting isn't it? To produce super smart kids? That sure seems to be God's number one priority (sarcasm in this last statement). Or it may be fear of "worldly" influence. Once again, God forbid that our children interact with unsaved people on a daily basis and get introduced to sin. I want to take just a minute to talk about this fear, which is rooted in a false theology of sin and holiness.
First of all, this fear assumes that sin is something outside of us, like a force that must be fought off. However, the Bible is very clear that sin isn't an outside force, but something that is within us. Sin springs from the depravity of our own hearts. Too often we view our families as fortresses. If we can just raise the walls (standards) high enough and lift up the drawbridge then we can keep sin out of our kids lives. But this is actually unbiblical. We are nowhere commanded to keep our kids from sinning or interacting with sinners. Instead, we are commanded to teach our children to love God (Dt 6). God is more concerned with the inward character of the heart than the externals. Why are we so afraid of the worlds influence on our children?
Second, this fear reveals our primary concern is protecting our children rather than preparing our children. I hear this all the time. Isn't our role as parents to protect our children from sin and other evil influences? Well, to a certain extent, sure, that is part of our role. The problem I have with this is that we have really made this our only or primary role. We have turned Christian families into chicken coops rather than eagles dens. We are like the mother hen covering her chicks from the evil world out there. But we should be like the eagle who takes its young on its back to great heights and then drops them. As they fall it swoops around teaching and showing them how to fly (preparation). If the baby eagle doesn't get it then the mother grabs them (protection) and takes them up again to try again. Instead, we are like parents teaching our kids to swim on the living room floor. We want them to swim, but we are so afraid they might drown that we never let them go to the pool. We are telling our kids how to do the crawl, and the backstroke, and the breaststroke, but they have never got in the water. We have got to prepare our children to make a difference in the world around them, but they will not be prepared to interact with the world and share their faith if they have never been taught by their parents.
So, my challenge to you is this. Look at your family. Are you parenting by fear. Constantly making decisions to protect your children. Or are you parenting by grace. Constantly preparing your children for the trials and adventure ahead of them as a Christian spreading the light of God's Word to others around them?
Then look at your own life. Are you living in fear? If you are, do a study of the life of Jesus or the life of Paul. I guarantee you will see great examples of men who both lived in contact with the worst of society (prostitutes, gangsters, extortioners, burglars, outcasts, homeless, adulterers, etc.) and yet didn't fall into sin. Stop being a "safe Christian."
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8 comments:
This is a great post Pierre! It is something I will have to keep learning!! The part about swimming reminded me of a Monk episode where Monk is so proud that he has passed an online swimming course, he has never been in the water but he has the certificate!!!
I've been mulling over this post all afternoon. I agree that we need to prepare our children to face the world. (I read Grace-Based Parenting last year, and agreed with most of his points.) However, I'm not sure I agree that sending them to public school as soon as they turn 5 is the way to prepare them. And home schooling is not always motivated by fear - be careful about judging someone's motives. (You knew I'd say that didn't you?) A mother eagle does not throw her chick out of the nest until she is pretty sure that little one will fly. A parent who throws his infant into the pool without any instruction is almost guaranteed to drown. (Think of how many infant deaths occur from drowning in the bathtub.) At the same time, I do agree that some parents hold too tightly to their children and do not let them "test the waters." There needs to be a balance. Parents need to be willing to let their children go and make mistakes and be available to help them when needed. Perhaps serving hand-in-hand at a shelter, or participating in secular activities, and watching a child's response. Some children will develop the strength of character and faith to stand against sin at a younger age than others. If a parent sees his or her child continually being drawn into sin, rather than being the salt and light, the parent needs to provide a bit more guidance and training. And then be willing to let the child try again. If we commit our children to the Lord, truly trusting Him to work all things out for good, we will let them go when they are ready.
(This is a clearer version of my previous post. However, since it is later, this commenting stuff is becoming riskier.)
I'm afraid I agree with The Mom. (Not terribly afraid, though.) Pierre makes a valid point that we need to beware of the problem within, and acting like outside influences are entirely responsible for sin. I know of several public school students who have a biblically grounded worldview thanks to their parents help. However, you don't see baby chickens getting thrown out of eagles nests unless they've been eaten first. All I'm saying is that not all kids are eagles. Good, godly kids will be trained to love and fear God. They'll be both discipled and instructed to make decisions about Who He is. Many home, private, and public school parents understand this. Those who don't, need to. This post just comes off a little bit as though parents really ought to be public schooling their children, but I don't think that is your point.
Hey Guys,
Thanks for the comments and thinking through this. Jason is right. I had no intention of making this blog about sending kids to public school. When it comes to education, I believe every family must evaluate their options and their individual children and make the decision they deem as best for their family.
My comments about public school were simply meant as an example or illustration of the bigger point. I completely agree with "The Mom's" comments. It is a balancing act between protection and preparation. I just happen to believe that the Christian community has swung way too far into the "protection" mode. I think that if most Christian parents were honest they would have to admit that they rarely even think about preparing their kids to be part of the world and the culture around them. Their view of "preparing" a child to enter the world is to isolate them from anyone and anything that could possibly be sinful or worldly so that they are "pure, lights shining in the world." The problem is that this doesn't work and isn't biblical. We see no example in the Bible of Christians isolating themselves from the world. They separated from sin, but never from the sinner (not one mention in the Bible about having stricter standards for our children). The reason it doesn't work is because it creates hypocrisy. Kids raised in this system believe they are pure and holy lights simply because they aren't doing certain sins. But they are often the most proud, arrogant, and self-righteous sinners I have ever met. So we haven't really stopped them from being "worldly." We just created hypocrites, who think they aren't worldly because they are adhering to external rules.
I hope this clarifies that my main point has nothing to do with which educational system you choose for your child. I think the whole educational issue has become a huge distraction from truly Christian parenting.
I think the eagle illustration is really good because doesn't God do that with us - when we need growth He brings trials and opportunities to stretch us and draw us to Him. If we are teaching our children the truth of God's Word, the truth about sin, and about the world around them we are preparing them, but the real growth and realization of these lessons probably won't happen until they are right in the midst of a trial or dificulty or opposing teaching. We need to be cultivating a relationship of love, grace, and trust with our children so that when these things come we can help them learn and grow through them. We need to allow them to have opportunities for growth and to practice what they are learning. Obviously under our supervision - whether direct or indirect - so that we can provide guidance when needed.
As a parent that is involved in the community and sends their kids to public schools, I will say that Pierre's comments about balance are so true.
When attending MVBC, I used to reject the "run from sin and be safe with us" mentality. However, interfacing with "sinners" needs preparation and if you send your kids into the community, no matter where it is, they need to be prepared for what they hear and do. Just like homeschooling does not prepare kids to interact with people with non-Biblical viewpoints, sending my kids to public school does not prepare my kids to interact with Jesus. Both must introduce God and sinning in a way to be prepared to evangelize and edify the young believers.
In my opinion, this is what is missing in today's culture - we spend too much time correcting problems by going too far one way or the other rather than introducing all the facts to come up with the best answer or the best situation.
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