Security

So, I am in California for a pastor's conference (that will be a later blog) and had the privilege of undergoing TSA Security procedures in order to board the plane. As most of you know, before entering the gate boarding area everyone must show a boarding pass and some form of identification. Then you take your shoes and any sort of metal objects and place them in a bin. If you have a laptop that must be taken out and placed in a separate bin. Then if you are carrying any shampoos, lotions, soaps, etc. they must be taken out as well. I think I had a grand total of 4 bins just for me (I can't wait to fly with four young children). After all this, I pass through a metal detector and have my information checked. Then I place my arms out and someone "frisks" me to make sure I am safe. What may seem surprising to some of you is that not one of the seven of us complained about this. We actually thanked them for doing their job so thoroughly. Why were we thankful? Because in Septemeber of 2001 a few men decided to climb on board a plane kill the pilots and fly the planes into a building killing everyone on board. Since then everything has changed. Security has gotten tighter, and we don't really complain about it (too much). We know that we would rather have a few minutes of inconvenience then have the terrifying experience of being part of a flying suicide mission.

As I think about the idea of security I think of marriages in our churches and communities. One of the most commonly stated phrases in marriage counseling is that women need security in a relationship. I have heard this all my life. I have had countless pastors and counselors confirm this. I have had women tell me this. If you want to have a successful marriage you must realize that the greatest need for the wife is security. So if many of us realize this why are our marriages falling apart? Why is it that I consistently contact friends from college (a very conservative, Christian college) and when I ask about their wife or husband I hear these words. "Well, it just didn't work out between us" or "She left me for someone else." Just recently I have been reminded once again of the fragile nature of marriage. A friend of ours is finalizing their divorce in three days. Why is this? Why can't we keep our marriages together?

I would argue that one of the major reasons is a misunderstanding of the idea of security. It is very possible that the greatest need for the wife is security, but what does that mean? What I have found is that men seem to interpret the need for security from a purely financial perspective. This makes sense if you think about how men are wired. One of the biblical patterns that we see from Scripture is that God holds the men responsible to provide for their families financially. This means that the husband should work. This also means that the husband finds great satisfaction from his employment. Men are also typically more goal-driven and competitive in nature as well. So as he goes to work each day he is fulfilling his God-given role of providing for his family, but also fulfilling his desire to build, create, sell, and reach his goals. The problem with all of this is that women are wired very differently.

When a woman thinks of security she usually interprets this from a primarily emotional perspective. She wants security in her relationship, not necessarily in the paycheck. She wants to know that her husband loves to come home to her. She wants to feel secure that when he kisses her hello at the end of the day he hasn't been gawking at every waitress, flight attendant, or skirt that day. She wants to know that he cares about her and loves her more than his job or co-workers or buddies from college. That is what security means to her.

Marriages face great stress and pressure because of financial difficulties. As we look around today we have many people in our churches that are struggling financially because of the economy. What we must realize is that these economic hard times should bring us closer to God and our spouse - not farther apart.

Men - We must stop placing our jobs as idols taking the place of God. When our jobs become our primary source of contentment and satisfaction we have just made them an idol. Jesus Christ must be our satisfaction and our contentment, bar none. Even if we are unemployed we can still hold our heads high because we have value in Jesus Christ. He loves you and died for you no matter what job you hold. When we stop placing our jobs and our financial security on a level with God we will begin to understand the true nature of our relationship with Jesus Christ and what it means to place our burdens on Him. We must also love and understand our wives. Your wife is not primarily concerned (or she shouldn't be) with how much money you bring home, how nice a home you have, or how nice a car you drive. Stop stressing about those things and show her love in the little (and inexpensive) things. Do the dishes for her. Pick wild flowers and bring them home. Rent a chic-flic and enjoy it with her. Don't look at anyone else the way you look at her. Kiss her. Hug her. Love her. Spend time with her.

Women - Stop making security in your relationship with your husband an idol. I know this may sound strange, but even though your relationship with your husband is important the most important relationship you have is with your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Your husband is not perfect and he never will be. He may not always place you above his job - forgive him and move on. He may not always be as romantic as you wish he was - forgive him and move on. He may not always talk to you as much as you would like - forgive him and move on. If you don't it will eat at you until your suppressed anger becomes a deep-rooted bitterness. There is nothing wrong with talking to him about these things, but don't nag. If he doesn't respond, give it to God and win him with your meek spirit. Your deepest emotional and spiritual relationship should be with Christ. In Him alone will you truly find satisfaction and contentment. In Him alone, you will truly be secure.